There is only one universally recognized diagnosable illness that can garner one an excused absence from work without a doctor’s note. That illness is of course, footballitis. As you can see from this Adidas ad circa World Cup 2002, it is an illness that affects one mentally and physically which means you’re going to be utterly useless at your workplace if you have it.
No worker with footballitis can be expected to adequately concentrate on any task with a match as big as U.S. v. Germany going on. If you think you might have footballitis, the responsible thing to do is stay home from work tomorrow and watch U.S./Germany. It’s vital for your health; after all, there is no cure for footballitis. You can only hope to manage the symptoms and the only way to do that is to not do anything important like your job and just watch the U.S. play Germany.
So there you go, it’s simple: call in sick with footballitis tomorrow. Your employer will surely understand, and if they don’t, do you really want to be working at a place insensitive to the hazards of footballitis anyway?
Feel free to share your methods for coping with footballitis below…
And if you need a way to help pass the time until kickoff tomorrow, check out my brand new non-fiction book Dallas ‘Til I Cry: Learning to Love Major League Soccer, now available on Amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle e-book versions.